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Flugfunksprüche 02
Pilot: "Portland approach, United
910, the first officer has the airport in sight."
Controller: "United 910, the first officer is cleared to land."
Pilot: "Uh – can the captain land too?"
Pilot: "Arlington Unicom,
Cardinal 1234, request airport advisory."
Controller: "Active is 34, altimeter 30.04, wind 270 at 44, left hand pattern."
Pilot: "Say wind again."
Controller: "Wind 270 at 44."
Pilot: "Oh – time to go home and take a nap."
Controller: "Franceair 1234
confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?"
Pilot: "A 340 of course."
Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me
a 1000 feet per minute, please."
Controller: "Mission 53712, climb
to flight level 240!"
Pilot: "Sorry, radar, but this turkey does not climb higher."
Pilotenschüler: "Tower, please
speak slow, I am a baby in English and lonely in the cockpit."
Controller: "Eurowing 7133 turn
right heading 100 or even 110."
Pilot: "Okay, nehmen wir die Hälfte, turning right heading 105."
Controller: "New Zealand 451,
descend and maintain 5000, there is a domestic flight B 737."
Pilot: "Descend and maintain 5000, New Zealand 451."
Controller: "New Zealand 451, could you track direct Glenbruck 'prominent
landmark' please."
Pilot: "We can anything you like."
Controller: "That could be interesting ..."
Lehrer zum Flugschüler, der eine
Notlandung simulieren soll: "Haben Sie sich für ein Terrain entschieden, wo Sie
runtergehen wollen?"
Flugschüler: "Ja, den Ackerweg da drüben, gleich neben der Landebahn."
Lehrer: "Neben der Landebahn? Warum neben der Bahn, ist was nicht in Ordnung mit
der Piste?"
Flugschüler: "Nein, aber Sie sagten doch, das sei eine Notlandung."
Pilot: "Radar, UKA 172 localizer
established."
Controller: "UKA 172 descend on the ILS, can you maintain 170 knots to four
miles DME?"
Pilot: "Depends on the flap setting."
Controller: "Roger, UKA 172, select a flap setting which permits 170 knots to
four miles."
Controller: "AF 1733, you are on
an eight mile final for 27 R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final.
Reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and
thirty knots for you."
Controller (etwas später): "AF 33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now one and a
half miles ahead of you. Reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reducing this bird back further to 110 knots."
Controller: "AF 33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now one
mile ahead of you. Reduce speed to 90 knots."
Pilot (pikiert): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this C-130 is?"
Controller: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."
Pilot: "Radar, N 878, it's very
bumpy here at FL 80."
Controller: "N 878, roger, do you request descend?"
Pilot: "My wife yes, but it's okay for me."
Controller: "Citation 584, if you
stop calling me Center I'll stop calling you a twin Cessna!"
Controller: "Bonanza Five Eight
Six Four Juliett, you have traffic at your two o'clock position, opposite
direction at 8000 feet!"
Pilot: "Bonanza 5864J, we do not see the traffic at two o'clock. But we have
traffic at ten o'clock."
Controller: "This was a test, Six Four Juliett, and you passed!"
Controller: "Japanair 123,
confirm you are on course to ARURA?"
Pilot: "Ah, logel, logel."
Controller: "No, no, Sir. Not to LOGEL. It is not on your route!"
Controller: "Delta Quebec Alpha,
fliegen Sie in die Kontrollzone auf Steuerkurs zwo vier null bis zum Anschneiden
des Endanfluges Landebahn 14 R."
Pilot: "Fliege in Kontrollzone auf Steuerkurs zwo vier null bis zum Endeinschlag
auf der 14 R."
Pilot: "Washington Radar, United
916, we have just been struck by a tremendous lightning!"
Controller: "United 916, roger, do you have any problems?"
Pilot: "Not really, we just have to change our underwear."
Pilot: "D-LE, VFR nach Frankfurt,
erbitte Roll-Info."
Turm: "Zum Tor mit der Lichtschranke, danach rechts auf die Bundesstrasse und
dann immer den Schildern nach."
Absetzpilot: "Düsseldorf Radar,
Guten Tag, D-EFCC, Deppenwerfen over Meiersberg, request to climb to flight
level 100."
Pilot: "Tower, say again. Reading
you only five."
Pilot: "McGuire Approach, Piper
one two three four requesting flight following."
Controller: "Piper two three four, say your final destination."
Pilot: "Piper two three four is going to East 60th Street Manhatten."
Während eines Überführungsfluges
zweier Huskys:
Las Vegas Departure: "Delta Echo India Charlie India climb and maintain 11.000,
confirm you are a pair of Huskys."
Pilot: "Recleared up to eleven thousand. Negative on pair, we are a couple, a
male and a female Husky."
Las Vegas Departure: "Understand, you are climbing now 11.000, but you have a
big problem leaving your planes over night in the same hangar."
Pilot: "Affirm, check with Byron or Graupner for results."
Während eines Absetzfluges:
Controller: "Sind die Springer schon draussen?"
Pilot: "Na ja..., draussen sind sie schon, aber sie hängen an der Strebe und
schneiden mir Grimassen."
Controller: "LH 1234 give me a
good rate of climb."
Pilot: "Okay, 4000."
Anderer Pilot (auf derselben Frequenz): "Habt Ihr heute keine Passagiere?"
Pilot: "Wenn wir keine Passagiere haben, machen wir 7000!"
Ein Tower-Lotse bemerkt an einer
amerikanischen Transportmaschine im Landeanflug, dass das Fahrwerk nicht
ausgefahren ist. Der Pilot der Maschine ist als Rauhbein bekannt, deshalb der
vorsichtige Hinweis des Tower-Lotsen: "US Air 224, your gear seems not to be in
place, Sir."
Pilot: "You operate your tower, I operate my aircraft, okay?"
Approach (Shannon): "Shamrock
228, do you read me?"
Pilot: "Well, I don't read you, but I hear you five by five."
Controller (London): "Cubana 438,
you're cleared Dover VOR direct."
Pilot: "Understand cleared Koksy VOR?"
Controller: "Okay, cleared Koksy VOR ..."
Pilot: "LH 2506, Tegel Ground,
request taxi."
Ground: "LH 2506, as number two to the hold runway 26 right via SM, TR then
backtrack 26 left."
Pilot (schon sehr später Abend): "... we'll follow the company ..."
Flugschüler: "Jeffco tower this
is Cessna N21R on final for runway 11."
Tower: "Cessna N21R you are not on final. Final is when you don't have to turn
anymore to get to the runway."
Auf der Tower-Frequenz von Berlin
Tegel.
Pilot: "... request runway two eight left."
Tower: "... äh, die zwo acht müssen wir vorher noch'n bisschen planieren. Würden
Sie solange mit der null acht vorlieb nehmen?"
Pilot: "Request runway 27."
Controller: "Unable."
Pilot: "Approach, do you know that the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?"
Controller: "Yeah, we do, and if we could jack up the airport to 6000, you could
have that runway, expect runway 14."
Controller: "Air Force five four,
it appears that your engine has... Oh, disregard, I see you've already ejected."
Controller: "Japan Air Ten Heavy,
how about a radio check?"
Pilot: "Lojah, switching."
Pilot: "How far behind the
traffic are we?"
Controller: "Three miles."
Pilot: "That does not look like three miles."
Controller: "You are a mile and a half from him and he is a mile and a half from
you, that's three miles, cleared visual approach."
Pilot: "EWG 006, we're ready for
departure."
Tower: "Roger, stand by one moment. I've to watch the preceding departed Fokker
50."
Pilot: "... Must be breathtaking!"
Fluglehrer: "Also, beginnen wir
mal mit was ganz Einfachem: Fliegen Sie bitte waagerecht geradeaus."
Flugschüler: "Was wollen Sie zuerst haben?"
Pilot: "Approach, how far are we
from the airport in minutes?"
Controller: "N63MG, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get there."
Controller: "Skywagon 63MG, sure
you can have 8 miles behind the HEAVY, there will be a Delta 1011 trijet between
you and him."
Controller: "Climb like your life
depends on it, because it does."
Controller: "Put the airplane in
your compass on N and get out of my air-space."
Pilot: "London, Midland 325, we
have a problem."
Controller: "Midland 325, London, what's the nature of your problem?"
Pilot: "We have severe vibration in our port engine."
Controller: "Roger, Midland 325, you're two miles south of Luton."
Pilot: "Thank you, London, it's not that severe ..."
Pilot: "Approach, what is our
sequence?"
Controller: "Calling for sequence, I missed your callsign, but if I find out
what it is, you're the last."
Controller (nach Schichtwechsel):
"Attention all aircraft: previous controller is no longer a factor."
Pilot: "Ground, Lufthansa 1130,
request start-up to Düsseldorf."
Ground: "Well, Lufthansa 1130, we have a flightplan to Leipzig! Would you ask
your passengers where they like to go?"
Pilot: "Ground, Husky XX request
airtaxi to the active."
Ground: "What is airtaxi?"
Pilot: "Airtaxi is taxiing without the wheels on the taxiway."
Ground: "... Cleared to airtaxi, no speed restriction, runway 26, call the tower
for airtaxi take-off."
Pilot: "London, Shuttle 3 B, with
you, approaching – (Geräusch von Husten und Spucken) – Bovingdon. Sorry about
that – had a mouthfull of muesli. What are the delays like this morning?"
Controller: "About 15 minutes, Shuttle 3 B, time for another bowl ..."
Pilot: "Tower, this is Charlie
four seven five, please say temperature in Celsius."
Tower: "Sorry, Charlie four seven five, we only have time in Fahrenheit."
Controller: "Delta Yankee Zulu,
you're gonna have to press the push-to-talk-switch if you are talking to me,
'cause I can't see when you nodd your head."
Controller: "Condor 324, about
three miles ahead you've got traffic 12 o'clock five miles."
Controller: "British 423, radio
check?"
Pilot: "2000 feet per minute, British 423."
Controller: "British 423, I mean radio check ..."
Pilot: "Say again."
Controller: "British 423, a radio check, please."
Pilot: "Oh, I see – well, obviously not very good!"
Pilot: "Approach, Lufthansa 1635,
what is this aircraft doing at my altitude?"
Approach: "Lufthansa 1635, what makes you think it is your altitude, Captain?"
Tower: "Delta Zulu Zulu advise
when ready to copy clearance."
Pilot: "Go ahead, Sir."
Tower: "Delta Zulu Zulu cleared to Berlin Schönefeld after Sylt NDB direct to
Brünkendorf VOR, squawk 4016. After departure contact Bremen Radar on 128.77."
Pilot: "Delta Zulu Zulu is cleared to Berlin Schönefeld via Elbe 4 Sierra
departure flight planned route, squawk 7345 after departure Bremen Radar on
123.6."
Tower: "Naja ... fast."
Pilot: "Denver Center, Great
America 123 with you at flight level 280, smooth as a gravy sandwich."
Controller: "Great America 123, expect some lumps in that sandwich. A United jet
20 miles ahead reported light to moderate turbulence."
Controller: "DEIDU, you are clear
of airspace Charlie."
Kunstflug-Schüler: "Cleared for airspace Charlie, DEIDU."
(Ost-)Kunstflug-Lehrer: "Ach ihr Wessis mit euerm Englisch ..."
Controller: "Herkey 25, do you
intend to execute a low or a high TACAN-approach into Ramstein?"
Pilot: "Affirm."
Controller: "Affirm what?"
Pilot: "Affirm, Sir?"
Approach-Controller (genervt):
"Will the Seneca with the gravelly voice and the bad radio please stand by!"
Controller: "November 256 MR, do
you have ground contact?"
Pilot: "We can see the ground, but we'll reserve contact for the runway."
Lademeister (einer Cargo 707 zum
ersten Mal auf dem Pilotensitz, drückt versehentlich die Sendetaste): "Hey, this
is great! I see, why you pilots like this seat so much, you can see everything
from here. This is just like Starship Enterprise. All ahead Mister Sulu, warp
factor ten!"
Controller: "You wanna get back on Intercom, you are transmitting on my
frequency, Captain Kirk."
Pilot (very british, während
einer aufwendigen Radarführung): "Arrival, do you paint your name on your
screen?"
Controller: "Mooney 3898H,
traffic at your ten o'clock, a Learjet."
Pilot: "I have traffic in sight."
Controller: "98H, follow the Lear for right traffic to runway 31."
Pilot: "Roger. I know Mooneys are known to be fast, but you'll have to beam me
up some booster rockets if you want me to keep up."
Controller: "Sorry, our transporter is down at the moment. So do the best you
can and contact tower."
Fluglehrer: "How do you judge
altitude during the flare?"
Flugschüler: "It's easy: I continue the approach until you stiffen up, then I
pull back."
Controller: "Lufthansa 1234
squawk 2330."
Pilot: "Should be on."
Controller: "Sorry, Lufthansa 1234, I have no target."
Pilot (nach einer Pause): "How is that?"
Controller: "Okay, I've got your target now."
Pilot: "Das ist ein ganz neuer Flieger, bei dem geht noch nicht alles."
Controller: "XTY 234, what is the
name of your airline?"
Pilot: "Dobrekayadzenorvorsky Kazak Rabote Airlines, Sir!"
Controller: "Okay, XTY 234, will do for the day, thank you."
Tower: "Stört Sie die
Blitzbefeuerung rechts von Ihnen?"
Pilot: "Mich nicht, aber den Co."
Tower: "Gut, dann müssen Sie eben fliegen."
Turm (fragt ergänzend nach dem
Flugzeugmuster): "Und was ist Ihr Typ?"
Pilot: "Rothaarig."
Diese Sprüche stammen aus dem Buch
"Rodscher zwo"
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